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Not a quote, just something for the community. [May. 1st, 2010|01:43 am]
daily scrubs quotes

I know hotlinking is bad, but this is too awesome to not.

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Not sure if it's been posted, but no one has posted anything in a while, so... [Jan. 20th, 2010|05:55 pm]
daily scrubs quotes

EPISODE 5.06, "My Missed Perception"

JD and Kelso sit on a bench.

Kelso - "How old do you think I am Dorian?"

JD - (in head) - Okay, there's no way to answer that and not get in trouble. Change the subject.
"Sir, I would be honored if you and Enid would join me at my place on Sunday for some home made Jambalaya."

Kelso - "Well, it would be good for Enid to get out of the house."

JD - (in head) - Oh my god, he's actually thinking about it. Change the subject back!
"You're 78 sir."

Kelso - "You think I'm that old?"

JD - "Jambalaya"

Kelso - "I'm 57, numb nuts."

JD - "Really."
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Scrub in and Win: Scrubs Contest [Sep. 16th, 2009|02:57 pm]
daily scrubs quotes

Hey, I'm running a contest over at my site since scrubs in now on TV 5 days a week.  I'm giving away a Visa gift card and some cool Scrubs merch.  All you have to do is make a relevant comment on any post in the next two weeks and you are entered to win.  The more you comment the bigger your chances are. 
Check it out over at JoeOnTheTube.com
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A few quotes from "My Female Trouble." [Aug. 15th, 2009|03:55 am]
daily scrubs quotes


Neena: Morning. I'll see you at the deposition. I'll try not to spank your
lawyer as hard as I spanked him last night.

J.D.: Bye! FYI, there was no spanking last night, okay?

Carla: Really? Then this won't hurt. [She smacks him on the ass]

J.D.: Nope.

Turk: Hit him again baby. [She does]

J.D.: Why?

Carla: J.D., how could you do this to Turk? You two are so close that I
occasionally have nightmares of you running away together.

J.D.: Where do we go?

Turk: One time we went to Aspen.

J.D.: Oh, I hope it was summer. I'm not that big a skier.

Carla: Girls! I want an explanation.

J.D.: Fine. Turk, tell her our code.

Turk: [As J.D. mouths the words behind him] If you haven't had sex in six
months, you're not accountable for who you sleep with.

Carla: Oh please, when you were single, you were never that desperate...
Were you?

[Flash to Turk with a rather large woman]
Woman: Oh that was amazing.

Turk: [Who's been pressed into the mattress] Yes, it was.

[Flash back to Admissions]
Turk: We're all God's children in the dark.

Carla: Christopher Duncan Turk, you tell him how you really feel, just like
you told me last night, or I will do it for you. [She begins her impression
of Turk crying] Baby! Why does he hurt me so bad?

[The Deposition]

Neena: Now, Mr. Corman is contending that the shoulder surgery he received
ruined his tennis serve. I'd like to start by asking Dr. Turk if his
diabetes could have affected his performance in surgery.

Kelso: You're diabetic?

Turk: Yes. I told you that.

Kelso: I thought you were joking.

Turk: How is that funny?

Kelso: Well, it's a very serious disease. And I don't like you.

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My favorite Scrubs quote of all time! [Mar. 14th, 2009|02:24 am]
daily scrubs quotes

[Current Mood |crazycrazy]

Turk: (laughing)

Dr. Cox: That laughing had better not be aimed in my direction...bro.

Turk: Bro? Dude,,bros don't even use "Bro". You're not as hip as you think you are.

Dr. Cox: And you are?

Turk: I'm black. God knew that my people would go through struggles, so He gave us a lifetime supply of cool to compensate. Just like He knew that white people would be rhythmically challenged, so He gave y'all this dance. *does Carlton dnace from Fresh Prince of Bel Air*

Dr. Cox: (skeptically) You're black? Because last time I checked you have a nerdy white best friend, you enjoy Neil Diamond, and you damn sure act like a black guy. These, my friend, are all characteristics of white guys. And, please understand, I'm a huge supporter of the NAACP and if you don't know what that stands for, it's the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People...and quite frankly, I always thought they should change the "Colored People" to "African-Americans", but then of course it wouldn't be the NAACP, it would be the N Quad A or 'Naaaaaah', and I know, this probably sounds like a digression, but actually leads me back to my point: do I think you're black? Naaaaaaahhhhhh!
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Some of my favorite scenes from the episode "My Roomates" [Mar. 7th, 2009|12:32 pm]
daily scrubs quotes


J.D.'s Narration: As I felt the onslaught of what can only be described as a vicious tongue cramp, I decided it was time to let Kylie see my favorite dance. The "For God's sake, invite me to stay over" dance.
And we all know where that ends.

He peers over at the bed. Even with the teddy bear sitting in the center, the bed is illuminated by a heavenly light.

J.D.'s Thoughts: The dance begins with a subtle hint.
J.D.: [Stretches] I am so pooped.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Step Two: Sashay her into sympathy.
J.D.: [Shivers] It's chilly out there.
Kylie: [Concerned] It is cold.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Finally, sweep her off her feet with your vulnerable cuteness.
J.D.: [Cutesy] You know what I call this weather? Snuggle weather.
Kylie grins and they rub noses. She happily cuddles into his arms.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Tip the band leader and fluff up the pillows, because this dance is done.
Kylie: You should go.
Unpleasantly surprised, J.D. looks over at the bed again.
The bear on the bed comes to life . 
Teddy Bear: Yeah, hit the bricks, bitch. You got no game! Ha ha ha ha ha!


The three sit on the couch, J.D. in the middle, watching TV.
J.D.'s Narration: I wasn't the only one having relationship trouble.
Lately, Turk and Carla had lost their sizzle. And as a couple, when you reach a roadblock, you can do one of two things: Look inward and try and solve your problems together...or blame someone else.

Carla: [To J.D.] You have to move out.
J.D.: What? Is this about the bra catapult thing? Because if it's that big a deal, I can throw my own water balloons. I don't need those C-cups.
Carla: J.D.! We're newlyweds! That's hard enough, and when you're around-- Tell him, Turk.
Turk: You're all up in our space!
J.D.: What? When have I ever been all up in your space?
Turk and Carla share a candlelit bubble bath.
Carla: This is nice.
Turk: Mm-hmm.
Pan back to show J.D. on the toilet next to them.
J.D.: Whooooo! Sorry about the twosie, guys.
He flushes and leaves, spraying air freshener behind him.
J.D.: Huh. And here I thought that was a lovely evening.

Another scene
Sweaty and miserable, Carla collapses next to Turk on the couch in their overheated living room.
Turk: Baby?
Carla: Hmm?
Turk: Could you get me a towel so I could wipe this sweat from my head?
Carla: They're all dirty, okay? J.D. used to wash them.
Turk: [Whining] IT' SO HOT! When the hell is he gonna finish fixing the heater?!
Carla: It's okay! He's a professional -- I'm sure he's almost done.
The Janitor emerges from the back, a large pipe in hand. Janitor: This...should not have been removed.

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(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2009|08:00 pm]
daily scrubs quotes

My favorite quote of the new episodes

Episode 8.01 - My Jerks

J.D.'s narration: Okay. Time to connect with the new Chief using a picture of my son and some brilliant acting.
Taylor: Oh, is that your boy?
J.D.: What's that? Oh yeah. His name is Sam.
Taylor: I have a daughter of my own.
J.D.'s narration: It's working. Now seal the deal with a follow-up question. But nothing too personal.
J.D.: Did you deliver vaginally?


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(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2009|10:41 am]
daily scrubs quotes
Cat Scan Guy (I forget his name)-THESE ARE MY MACHINES!

J.D.-Yeah, but, sir, we just-


Turk-Whose machines?


Carla [looks at Turk]-How is that helping?
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My favorite Janitor quote ever [Jan. 5th, 2009|11:25 am]
daily scrubs quotes

Upon the revelation that the Janitor believes he is magic.

Are you familiar of the term "delusions of grandeur?"

I believe I coined that term.

Season 7, My Dumb Luck
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Quotes from the episode "My Road To Nowhere" [Dec. 26th, 2008|08:56 am]
daily scrubs quotes


Turk: Baby, I need permission to road trip JD to Tacoma so he can see his ultrasound.


Carla: Sure, I think not giving you permission to do this for your friend would be totally dorian.


JD: How’s this spreading so quickly?


Dr. Cox: Gandhi did you tell Jordan what I said about her wanting to cuddle? She doesn’t like people to know that she actually cares… for me.


Turk: Relax, she’s pregnant what could she possibly do?


Jack walks up to Dr. Cox


Jack: Man Check!


Jack punches Dr. Cox’s on the crotch and he drops to the floor in pain


Dr. Cox: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh


JD and Turk make painful faces

Turk: Ohhh


Jack walks up to Jordan and she picks him up.


Jordan: Good boy Jack, good boy.

They leave


Turk: He can’t possibly make this my fault right?


JD: Dorian, ahh damm it now I’m doing it.


They walk over Dr. Cox who’s in fetal position still in pain.


JD: Be careful, he’s going fetal.

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