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I just watched "My Unicorn" and thought I post some of my favorite quotes [Dec. 9th, 2008|12:25 am]
daily scrubs quotes

lunasoltierra

HOSPITAL -- ADMISSIONS(?)
J.D. and Murray are talking.
Murray: I'm not quite sure I'm getting this.
J.D.: Ugh! What's not to get? Look, Dr. Cox told me not to get involved, I defied him, and now, with your help, I'm gonna rub it in his face, okay? Now for the last time, the song goes like this: [singing] "You were wrong! I found his son, I found his son, I found his son!"
And then you jump out and go, "That's me!"
Murray: Yeah, but--okay, but wouldn't it be funnier if I came on the second "I found his son," just to get to it?
J.D.: Yeah, that would be a whole lot funnier. But I have a question: Who's gonna be singing the "I found his son" song? Because it certainly won't be me! Okay?
Here he comes.
He pushes Murray out of sight as Dr. Cox approaches.
Murray: Whoa!
J.D.: Dr. Cox...? [singing] You were wrong! I found his son, I found his son, I f--
Murray: That's meeee!
Dr. Cox continues through without a reaction.
Murray: Too early?
J.D.: We rehearsed this!
Murray: We were on your scooter.
J.D.: Gah!

HALL / NURSES' STATION
Dr. Cox walks through, passing J.D.
Dr. Cox: Hello, Heather.
J.D.: You will never guess what I found on the computer!
Dr. Cox: Is it a set of adult male shoulders?
J.D.: They had to trim them to get me out of that well.
Dr. Cox: Oh, right.
J.D.: Anyway, know Mr. Marks? He said he doesn't have any family to be a kidney donor? But he's got a son! We gotta find this guy!
Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie, there are times a man wants to keep something to himself. Like, say, he's got a son. Or he's 29-years-old and keeps a journal with a unicorn drawn on the cover? [taps J.D.'s journal]
J.D.: Ah, that's a horse with a sword on his head, and he's there to guard my hopes and dreams

Murray clears his throat to wake his father.
Mr. Marks: Mm? Murray?
Murray: Before you say anything, I just want you to know if you need a kidney, you can have mine.
J.D.: [whispering] See?
Murray: For seventy thousand dollars!
Dr. Cox: I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it.

Murray and J.D. walk through hall.
J.D.: All right, we--what's the problem with your dad?
Murray: Well, for starters, he named me "Murray." That's an old man's name!
J.D.: Oh, come on, no it isn't!
Murray: MURRAY!
Several old guys stick their heads out of their rooms and go, "Whaaat?"
When all that happens is an "I told you so" look from Murray, they go back in.
Murray: Everything my father's ever done was designed to humiliate me.
He turns and starts to walk off.
J.D.: Murray!
Again, the old guys come out. "Whaaaaaat?"
Murray: What.
J.D.: No, the youngest Murray!
They all go back in but one.
Old Murray: I'm sixty-eight!
Murray: Thirty-four!

CAFETERIA
J.D. and Murray are at a table.
Murray: I can't believe you got cake! The guy said they didn't have any.
J.D.: Just do what I told you to do.
Murray stretches, pushing his chest out.
A cafeteria worker, Glen, delivers a piece of cake to him.
Glen: [effeminate] Sweets for the sweet.
Murray: Thank you...Glen.

OUTSIDE -- BENCH
J.D. sits there with his journal.
J.D.'s Narration: I couldn't decide whether I should tell Murray his dad wasn't his dad. Luckily hospitals are full of supportive colleagues eager to help.
Dr. Kelso is sitting next to him.
Dr. Kelso: Go tell that little bastard this second, before he coughs a kidney up to his fake father and sues this hospital!
Write that down in your little unicorn book.
J.D.: Uh, actually, sir, it's a horse with a sword on his head.
***FANTASY: The cartoon unicorn comes to life.
Unicorn: [J.D.'s voice, high-pitch] You know I'm a unicorn. Why can't you just say it?

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hahaha I love this [Nov. 30th, 2008|09:59 am]
daily scrubs quotes

paulimapi
JD(to guy who looks like him): What are you, egyptian? Wait, I don't wanna know.
 
LOL
<3
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My Cake [Nov. 25th, 2008|07:25 pm]
daily scrubs quotes

shortyjeany
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

This has probably been posted before but it's so damn funny!

[Dan is in the tub, still]
Dr. Cox: Hey! Where's your brother?
Dan: J.D.!!! [waits for a response for a few moments, gets none] ............................He's not here.
Dr. Cox: Look, Dan --
Dan: [pointing at his "beard"] Captain Bubblebeard. Avast, matey! Shut yer scupper and bare yer steel, we should be seeing la-AAH --
Dr. Cox pushes his head under the water. He rises again, the "beard" gone.
Dr. Cox: There. Now you're Dan again. [Dan spits out some water.]
Dr. Cox: Let's break down the kid's support system, shall we? He has me, an emotionally-crippled narcissist; and, he's got you, an emotionally-crippled narcissist who's soaking in a tub which by now has to be mostly your own urine.
Dan: I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.
Dr. Cox: And I have got to believe that the two of us, together -- together, Dan -- we can make it at least half-way to one legitimate adult.
Dan: You're right, Coxy. [he throws down his beer can, and quickly stands up in the tub] Dammit, Coxsmith! Crybaby time is over! The kid needs us, and he needs us now, right?
Dr. Cox: [holding out a towel] Towel.
Dan: [taking it] Thank you. Let's rock and roll!
He takes a step out of the bath, then falls flat on his face.
Dan: [from the floor] I may have lost some muscle mass in my legs.
Dr. Cox: Fantastic.
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(no subject) [Sep. 26th, 2008|07:40 pm]
daily scrubs quotes
superinsane95

"Well I married the guy I dated in high school so my first and only date had me sitting in the back of his car because his best friend, Benny, called shot-gun and we went to the arcade so we could, and I quote, 'eat pizza and beat up nerds.' And I married that guy!"-Kim

I think it's something to that nature.
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(no subject) [Sep. 17th, 2008|08:24 pm]
daily scrubs quotes

lunasoltierra

From 425 “My Changing Ways”

 

Turk: Do you remember our first day together?

 

FLASHBACK: J.D AND TURK’S DORM

 

Turk: Yo they call me Chris 1 what’s the Dealie-yo?

 

J.D.: Welcome to our lair, I’m an eight level ogre magi with invisibility and this is Randall.

***BACK TO PRESENT

J.D.: You were such a dork.

 
From 320 “My Fault”

Turk: Please, man. I'm Christopher Duncan Turk.

Todd: Duncan?

J.D.: His dad loved doughnuts.

Turk: That's not true. Okay, you really need to stop saying that. The point is, I don't lose my cool.

J.D.: I don't know. Remember back in college, when we had tickets to see Michael Jordan in the playoffs?

***FLASHBACK: ARENA PARKING LOT
As soon as the car comes to a stop, Turk, all big hair and Bulls memorabilia, leaps out and excitedly starts singing and dancing.

Turk: We're goin' to see Michael Jordan! We're goin' to see Michael Jordan! We're goin' to see Michael Jordan! 'Cause we got good tickets! We went five hundred miles--

J.D., also with more hair, finally gets out and comes around to Turk.

J.D.: Hey, was I supposed to bring the tickets or the sandwiches?

He holds up his plastic bag of sandwiches, as does a very horrified Turk.

Poor Turk flips out, squealing incoherently and ripping out chunks of hair.

J.D.: Oh, God.

He reaches down to collect the hair, but stops when Turk freaks out even more.

Turk: [shrieking] OH! NO! Leave it on the floor! You leave it on the floor!

***BACK TO PRESENT

J.D.: You shaved your head for the first time after that.
God, I wish we could go back in time and see that game.

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Hello morenarubyred is no more but I'm still here. This are my favorite quotes from the ep "My Cake" [Aug. 24th, 2008|02:26 am]
daily scrubs quotes

lunasoltierra
Dr. Cox: Are you suggesting that if I sleep with him then I won't have to deal with problems like this. Because I'm seriously considering taking that hit, I mean honestly what is he like post-game? Is there spooning? Because I don't spoon, I'm not a spooner.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Turk: Devil woman gave me Diabetes.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J.D.: Stop it! I don't have gay jungle fever!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
DOCTOR'S LOUNGE
J.D. sits in a chair. Cox enters.

Dr. Cox: Hey, Wonder Bra? Do you, uh -- do you have a second?
J.D.: For what?
Dr. Cox: I'm giving you a hug.

The Janitor and a screaming Ted swing past the window on the crane. Cox and J.D. look out at the spectacle.

Dr. Cox: Oh. I was wondering what that crane was for. So now, how would you like this whole hug thing to go down? Do you wish to remain seated, would you like to stand? I, of course, don't care, as long as it's under three seconds and I don't feel your breath on my neck.
J.D.: So now you're making fun of me because I need a little help getting through this?
Dr. Cox: No, I'm -- I'm really trying.
J.D.: [standing up] You know what, I am sick of getting dumped on, and I am sick of you!

He gives Cox a small shove. Cox stands there for a moment, then lets out a small, tense laugh.

Dr. Cox: Newbie, don't shove me.
J.D.: Oh, really, why not? [he shoves Cox again]
Dr. Cox: Because whenever anyone shoves me more than twice, my mind goes blank and all I see is this white-hot flash of fury.
J.D.: When someone shoves you like this?

He shoves Cox again. Mistake.

Cut to...
NURSE'S STATION -- MOMENTS LATER
Cox walks past Elliot at the station.

Elliot: [cheery] So, how'd it go?
Dr. Cox: Punched him in the face.

Elliot looks slightly stunned as Cox continues on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

J.D.: What do you want me to talk about? The pros and cons of blitzing a weak-side quarter when you're in third-and-long situations?
J.D.'s Thoughts: Thank you "Football for Dummies."
Dan: I gotta tell you little brother, you were always the apple of Dad's eye... you know, that's the worst thing about college football, the male cheerleaders -- ooh, God, that's a chick.

The three cock their heads to the side simultaneously, examining the screen.

Dr. Cox: You know, when my father died, all I could focus on was how he was never there, but you -- you're lucky, you've got some positive stuff you can dwell on -- [to the TV] THROW THE BALL, YOU JACKASS!

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An oldie but a goodie! [Aug. 22nd, 2008|10:52 pm]
daily scrubs quotes

shortyjeany
[Current Mood |amusedamused]
[Current Music |Colin Hay - Down Under]

Dr. Cox: Listen Vanessa Janice Tiffany Amber [in a sing-song voice] Thieeeeessennnnnnn, I'm gonna go ahead and give ya a little something I call Perry's Perspectives: 1) If the guy in front of me in the coffee shop can't decide what he wants in the 30 minutes it takes for him to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill him. 2) I'm fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the Internet, there'd only be 1 website left and it would be called "Bring Back The Porn". 3) and most important: to be respected as a doctor, nay, a man, you must be an ocean. You're born alone, you damn sure die alone, [turns to a cadaver rolling by] isn't that right Spike? My point is, and you may want to jot this down: only the weak need help.
(Unknown Episode - erm, laziness)
_______________________________________________

JD: Your not aware of an underground canal system beneath the hospital are you? I think i saw aa manitee!
Janitor: Was it Julian?
JD: We didn't exchange pleasantries.
Janitor: That was Julian.
(My Way Home)
_______________________________________________
J.D.: [voiceover] I knew Dr. Casey now pretty well, everyday, he goes to his first patient's room and touches every single thing in there...
Dr. Kevin Casey: [touching things] Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink, Bink...
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Casey, your patients are complaining about a noise in your wing.
Dr. Kevin Casey: [pokes Dr. Kelso on the nose] Bink.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. CASEY! Your patients!
Dr. Kevin Casey: If the noise is bink then I can explain...
Dr. Kelso: IT'S NOT BINK!
J.D.: Was it (sings colin hay song) "I come from the land down under, Where women glow and men plunderrrr?".... 'cause that wasn't me!
(Unknown Episode - again, too lazy to look it up)
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First time poster... [Aug. 11th, 2008|09:38 pm]
daily scrubs quotes

ablackorchid
I just found this community and think it's awesome - I've found some of my favourite Scrubs quotes on here.

One from my favourite episode - "My Lunch" (Season 5, Episode 20). I always end up crying when I watch this episode.

J.D.: Hey! Remember what you told me? The second you start blaming yourself for people's deaths, there's no coming back.
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"We're Legal Custodians....... Get it?" [Aug. 9th, 2008|11:53 pm]
daily scrubs quotes

shortyjeany
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

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(no subject) [Aug. 6th, 2008|07:26 pm]
daily scrubs quotes
superinsane95
[About Ms. Pacman] "I'd sex that bow right off her head. Eat those dots you naughty, naughty girl."~Todd

[Carla takes off her engagement ring] "Boobies."~Todd, [Carla puts her ring back on] "Charts."~Todd

"We don't need the vision of old guys with erections there, Bobbo."~Dr. Cox
"And now it's in my head forever."~Carla 

"That is one nerdy honkie!"~J.D.
[J.D. walks away]
"That's two."~Turk

"How long have you been awake?"~Dr. Cox
"Long enough to know that Turk's gotta fart, Carla's not funny, and J.D. does a really racist impression of a black guy."~Private Dancer
"He be trippin'."~J.D.

"Dude, Tracey's a guy."~Patient
"That would make you gay."~Turk
"I am gay."~Patient
[Gives an awkward thumbs up]"...Neat."~Turk
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